Monday, August 07, 2006

One Year Later

It was a year ago we buried my dad under a shade tree in the Oglesby cemetary outside Bartlesville, OK. Sometimes I wonder where the time has gone, other times it feels like yesterday. Either way, there has been a lot of water pass under the bridge. A year ago, life was very dark. Having left my career, being unemployed, the uncertainty of the future, combined with my wife being unemployed and my father dying, the weight on my shoulders was pretty heavy. Granted, things could have been worse, but your circumstances are your reality and you have to live with them. Despair was the rule of the day. Hope seemed a long way off, kind of like the BN train that passes through the north side of town. Once in a while you can hear the horn blowing as it approaches an intersection. I knew hope had to exist, but it wasn't very close or obvious. But today, I see a little different picture. Death always gives way to life. Seeds die, but soon germinate. Plant material decays, but that decompostition allows other living plants to flourish. The body dies, but its legacy of story is passed on to the next generation. I can't tell you how many times I have caught myself saying, "like my dad would say..." or "my dad taught me this..." True, he is gone and will never see the things I will accomplish because of his influence on me. I somehow think what he saw while he was alive was enough for him, though its not enough for me. I have in my possession a letter of intent from a property owner. We are another big step toward Bread&Cup. Today I take it to the bank to see if they will loan me the money we need. Somehow the events of this past year have prepared me for today. I am more hopeful, more at ease, more willing to stare despair in the face and say, "you will not win."

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