Waking Up And Smelling The Coffee

So how long do you think you can put up with it?

Some are capable of doing it their whole life. They seem to go through life content and happy with it all, never really seeming to be bothered too much. It leaves you wondering if they are just shallow people who don’t have the courage to look any deeper than the study guide, or if you are just simply a bad person caught up in a cycle of discontent that feels like a slow boat to no fun.

But again, this is not about them. No one else is your concern right now. This is about you and first finding the answer to your questions. Vision should lead to Clarity, and Clarity brings about Perspective. And once you possess all three, you are better equipped to find a beneficial answer than a destructive one.

I didn’t always think this way and I certainly wasn’t trained to think this way. It was all about God first, others second and me third. This little mantra is easy to recite and assists in getting a leader’s point across, but catch phrases like this one used to communicate a complex idea will eventually be taken out of context. It’s a fast food truth; simple, easy and convenient, but certainly not very nourishing.

If my most personal concerns fall at the bottom of that list of three, and if I am led to believe that getting those out of order will result in wanton hedonism and a narcissistic life, I will be ill-equipped to address the desperate condition in which my inner life has developed.

The ability to put others first is an essential life skill in any relationship. Display it as Deference or Selflessness, and you will, in no doubt, be well liked. But this can only be expressed from a position of security, and in knowing your own heart well.

If your biggest concern in leaving The Church As We Know It is what your kids will think, you are admitting that that the primary reason you take them to church is out of fear.

Fear is an insidious motivator, effective mainly in preventing mishap, but not very valuable when it comes to the role of inspiration. Your fear of water might keep you from ever having a drowning accident, but it sure won’t help you learn how to swim.

You may think you are putting them first by wanting them involved in spiritually related activities, but if your faith is shriveling up inside you, what makes you think theirs won’t end up in the same condition when they get older. Maybe their crisis will happen in half the time yours did. You went to Sunday School when you were their age. How’s that working for you?

You are nothing more than a dead man until your faith comes alive.

Who Wants Pancakes?

So how’d you do this last Sunday?

I know, I know. It was a big hurdle of mine for some time, but I eventually got over it when I allowed my faith to grow a bit and realize the absurdity of my objection.

Do I really believe that the spiritual fate of my children rests in the hands of their Sunday School teacher?

You would think so if you saw how I wrestled with the question, “What about the kids?” when it came to the consideration of leaving the Church As We Know It. What would the kids think if you stopped going on Sunday?

Maybe they would think the same as you.

Would they enjoy being home as a family together, getting to make a big breakfast that you normally would never have time to do because you are rushing everyone to get dressed and get in the van so you can get to church and color?

Believe it or not, your kids get more definition from you about God, faith and the meaning of life than any other source of input. Yes, more than friends, MTV or the Internet. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy, or that they may put up a fight against you, but hold your ground and don’t yield your role as parent in the equation.

Taking your kids to Sunday School or Youth Group is fine and dandy and certainly there can be positive influence there, but these two things are way down on the list of importance when it comes to the key source of impact.

Kids pick up more than you know, and certainly more than you want them to. Once while driving I was listening to the Christian porn station with my very young daughter buckled in her car seat in the back. She asked, “Daddy, do we have to listen to the angry man again?” She discerned more about the message than I could have ever imagined. Yes, we switched stations and turned on music, and no, I don’t subject her to the angry man again.

You might need to give your kids more credit. In their innocence, they are capable of detecting righteousness without pretense that you as an adult have learned to express gracefully. Do they see Mommy and Daddy putting on a face for church that they don’t see any other time during the week? If so, this should terrify you more than the thought of not going on Sunday.

Your kids are little people. They are not extensions of you. They have minds of their own and will eventually make their own decisions apart from you. Are you reinforcing a sense of insecurity in them because of your own fears about what is required for faith? And when they get older, will they understand what freedom and liberty looks like because of you, or in spite of you?

It is for freedom that we were set free.

The alarm is going off, and you're tempted to hit snooze...

Guilt pretty much ruled the day for you yesterday. You went through all the motions as usual; kids in minivan, kids to Sunday School, sit through 56 min of information, kids out of Sunday School, kids to lunch, kids back home…meanwhile your head is swimming with so much disillusionment, and now add the dutiful Christmas element to it for another few weeks….yikes, it’s too much to think about. Thankfully there’s football on when you get home.

All this ambivalence, where is it going to lead? Is this as good as its going to get? Is there any real hope of transformation that you can expect? If so, what’s going to change?

You are.

Yes, you are the one that will have to change, and it might cost you more than you ever know. And if your faith is of any real importance to you, as I think it is, you are capable of doing what is necessary to return to a vibrant, meaningful expression of that faith that will leave you dangerous in the eyes of many. And I mean that in a good way.

The first step toward your revolution of liberty is to quit demanding the Church As You Know It to be any different than it is. Stop letting it be the focus of your attention. The problem does not lie with it, and neither does the answer. You will not change the institution. You are capable, however, of changing the trajectory of your own path.

The Church As We Know It is full of people for whom the system works. There is no need to get those folk to answer your questions that they aren’t even asking themselves. It would be unfair to expect them to. Instead, focus on what you believe you wish you could do.

Start by not going on Sunday mornings.

If you are serious about getting your faith back, you have to be willing to confront the barriers that are keeping you from it. The system of Sunday church is killing your inner life. Why in the world would you want to keep beating your head against that wall?

Let me repeat: This is not an indictment against the Church As We Know It. I am not pointing any fingers at It. It is a wake up call to you, and you alone. This decision is not controlled by anyone else, but it has everything to do with you and whether or not you have the balls to step up and address what is going on inside your soul.

Remember when you came to a decision about faith, and how you feared many of your friends and family would not understand as you resolved to make God a central part of your life and worldview? Remember feeling resolutely you were going to have to cut against the grain and leave a few folk mad at you?

Same song, second verse.

Faith always runs the risk of being misunderstood, even when expressed in the best of intentions. Some will understand and some will not. Deal with it and get over it. Just be willing to contend with the fallout as a result, knowing that clarity may not emerge until a later time.

It’s time to take it back, my friend. And its not just your life that depends on it.

The Little Engine That Couldn't

It’s Wednesday. You tolerate going, but she likes attending, and since she’s a stay-at-home mom, she relishes any kind of adult interaction she can get. At least this week, the group meets at your house, which means you get to watch all the kids in the basement. This is somehow preferable for an hour and a half than discussing the thoughts of man that has sold millions of books, even though you aren’t sure you agree with him, but what are your options at this point?

The Life Group, Family Group, Connection Group, or whatever it’s called, doesn’t provide you with any life, or sense of family or even much connection with other people. And yet to voice this leaves you feeling like you have a scarlet letter on your sweatshirt that is not mistaken for the college you attended. These are nice people. They have nice kids. They all seem very responsible. So why don’t you want to meet with them?

It’s not that these folk are bad or have anything wrong with them; it’s just that, it’s boring as hell.

And you hate this feeling. You wish it would go away. You aren’t a judgmental person, which makes it worse that you see it this way. Why can’t you fall in line, get with the program, stop being rebellious and self centered? It is working for so many other people, just not for you.

And so you feel trapped, stuck, with no alternative except to go along with the flow, which would be fine if there was an actual flow. Instead, you feel stuck in an eddy, spinning back and in and around, getting nowhere, only dizzy in the process.

You try harder. You remember the little choo-choo train illustration from your college days. You were always taught that Facts are the engine that pulls the Faith car and Feelings tag along like the caboose. You must be speeding downhill backward, because all you seem to have are feelings, ones that appear to be leading toward a train wreck. You fear you will be another spiritual casualty along the tracks of life.

So where do you turn? Who do you talk to? The pastor doesn’t get it. He’ll feel threatened that you don’t like him if you admit your boredom. Your wife, try as she may, does not understand the core of your dilemma. And while other guys may concur, they still seem out of touch with their own soul that they fail to identify what you are getting at.

Your only logical conclusion: They are right. You are wrong. They are in. You are out. They are fine. You are alone.

And this is where I beg to differ.

Can I Really Sing of Your Love Forever?

If I were to guess, you’re about 39 years old, give or take a few. You have a couple of kids, small little rugrats, and you love being their dad. Your wife is a great mom and life companion. You share similar values but are different enough to make it interesting and humorous. You have the usual squabbles like everyone else, but you love her dearly.

You have a decent career oriented job. You feel challenged, sort of, but the pay is good, so you can’t complain. You’ve had a few offers to go elsewhere, but you’ve turned them down because of family priorities. Kids are happy, wife is happy; no sense in uprooting everyone for your ego. Besides her folks live nearby and watch the kids often, so you and your bride get regular time away. Can’t put a price tag on that, can you?

But you can’t put your finger on it. With all this going for you, why does it still gnaw at you at 3am, after tossing and turning too long? You’re too tired to get up, but too awake to stay in bed. You don’t want to read, late night TV only leads to more senselessness. What is the answer to this persistent question…

…why am I so bored?

And it’s most evident on Sunday morning. You’re a good dad, so you get the kids fed, dressed and in the car while your wife gets ready. At church you take them to their respective classrooms and leave them with eager, wonderful people who give you no reason to worry about their well-being, and you and your wife enter the flow of people into the large theatre and settle in for the next 56 minutes.

She knows something is wrong, because you have this tell-tale signal of rubbing your eyes that give an indication you want to stab them out with a fork in order to divert your attention to something engaging. You sing, sort of. You shake hands with people around you. You actually shut off your phone per her request so you aren’t tempted to text someone else who feels the same way you do. You listen as best you can, even though your mind wanders. You leave your tithe in the collection plate. And next thing you know, your 56 minutes is up.

So you shuffle out of the theatre, saying hi to a few folk on the way back to pick up your kids. They hand you their coloring sheet. The teacher gives a hug and a farewell. You buckle the kids in the back of the minivan, turn on Prairie Home Companion and listen to Garrison Keillor while you wait on your wife to fill her tank with social interaction.

When the bee is finished verbally pollinating the ears of the other familiar flowers, she gets in the car and informs you of the other families that are meeting at the latest child centered food and entertainment bonanza and asks if you would like to join them. “Of course” is the expected reply, and you pull out of the parking lot as the radio changes from NPR to Veggie Tales.

On arrival, mom suggests that dad take the kids right away to the playground while she orders the food, so you find the other dads at the ball pit with the same marching orders. You talk a little Favre and hope you can get home in time to watch the second half. In the meantime, its time to eat, so you begin the process of corralling the children and redirect their attention toward lunch. Once all the other parents clue in to their children’s restlessness, you all agree to disperse and say goodbye for another week.

And you wonder if you’re the only one that feels the way you do.

Two Old Stocks, Please

Here’s another reason I will never be invited back to speak at the Church As We Know It. I’m not burning these bridges on purpose, or maybe deep in my subconscious I really am, but feel I’m only trying to speak about what makes sense to me now more than ever. Also, I’m not trying to be contrarian for the sake of stirring up controversy. I just look at the practice of my faith in a very different light now.

At the risk of burning in theological hell for this one, I’m really puzzled about the use of bible language to describe the future of church movements. Is it really a good thing to refer to our gatherings as “Acts 29” models, or as “New Testament” churches? Is it best to define what the future needs by going backward instead of forward?

No, I don’t hate the Bible. Just follow me for a few more paragraphs.

I’m not sure why I didn’t think about this in seminary, or in my years of being a part of the Church As We Know It. Maybe it was because I was too close to it all to see how I might be worshiping a sacred cow all because of a culturally held value, instead of a faith-based one. But I have to keep coming back to the words that were recorded of Jesus when he told his followers, “greater things than these you will do, if you have faith in me.” My question that is begged from this statement is: How will looking to recreate what has already happened lead to a movement any greater than the one we are trying to imitate?

Many of us yearn for awakening. We seek a movement and like to feel we are a part of the next wave that will roll like the tide and change the course of history. I know, I’ve been a part of it, and in some ways, still want it to and believe it can happen. I was convinced that the Passion Movement was going to usher in a cataclysmic event that would affirm Bill Bright’s vision of seeing spiritual awakening in his lifetime. But I was still looking backward, not forward.

Notre Dame Football is a case in point. Guys my age think about the Fighting Irish much differently than the 17-year old high school recruit looking to play football in college. It’s the older folk that want to get their school back in the National Championship hunt by speaking in terms of tradition, core values and past successes. Talented Prep Star doesn’t relate. He’s looking ahead, not behind. Why spend his abilities on a school that seems irrelevant to where he’s going?

We’ve done the same with the Future Pastors. They are the young men and women who show talent, leadership and vision, but instead of giving the keys of the Church of the Future to them, we want them to take over something of ours instead of creating something of their own. And when they don’t show an interest, we mark it up to the flaws in the generation.

Could be the problem lies with us.

Like it or not, Current Pastor, people like this are the future, and they are the ones that are going to replace you.

Both you and Notre Dame are going to have to contend with the future of your existence. Are you going to build a future or continue to create a world that looks like your past? If I were you, I would seriously take a look at the defensiveness my words are stirring up in you. I’m not talking about being relevant or dumbing down the message or diluting the Truth. If that is all you can see of this post, either I’m not being clear or we need to have a few beers together so I can explain what I mean further.

I’ll buy.

We used to have to walk to school uphill, both ways....

Over the years I’ve read several books on the subject of spiritual awakening. The topic has always been of high interest to me, for reasons I can’t take the time to fully explain here, but I am drawn by fascination to the process of how and why social change occurs. Every author has his or her reasons, or solutions, but there seems to be one common thread woven through most writing to which I am familiar. Most everything I’ve ever read about spiritual awakening describes the process in terms of returning, or getting things back to the way they should be.

You can find works written about how to take our cities back for the glory of God, or for those who are interested in returning America back to Christ, or how to get our world back on the right track. In each case, the operative word is “back.”

Why not forward?

The wisdom of Solomon led him to propose this idea years ago. “Do not say, ‘Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions.” I believe he recognized that in every generation, there is a tendency to think backward instead of forward. We do so because of personal experience. We’ve seen the past, but we’ve not seen the future.

But this kind of perspective requires very little faith. Faith is the essence of what is unseen, not what is seen. It takes less faith to look upon what once was and think it should be the norm. As I described in a previous post, I saw leaders who wanted me to recreate the Jesus Movement of the 70’s by telling stories in such a way that assumed they should be normative for my generation. All it created was a bunch of frustrated students.

This is why Solomon chides us to stay away from looking back on the good old days with anything other than fondness. It’s one thing to enjoy history, collecting antiques, and eating breakfast at Cracker Barrel, but when that affection turns into an obsession to remake the future in that image, it’s a good sign that faith is starting to erode.

Future Pastor, this is why I believe in you so much. I don’t want to become Bobby Bowden or Joe Paw. They are both legends in their field, but they are relics because the game has changed significantly. I know there will come a time I need to get out of your way and turn the reins over to you to lead your generation according to the vision you have that is instigated by your faith.

I love Al Pacino’s speech in the locker room scene of the film, Any Given Sunday, where he stands in front of his team at halftime and with the cadence of a gospel preacher, paints a picture of what it will take to win the ballgame. At one point in the speech he tells them clearly, “Now I can’t do it for you...” which is how I feel about finding the Church of the Future.

Future Pastor, you have a better opportunity to move forward than I because you have less of a past than I do. I can lead you, inspire you and walk a while with you, but it’s up to you to see what the future can be by faith. Trust what you envision. The old days were fine, and old guys like me will always look at them differently than you will, and that’s why you will change the world, not me.