Monday, August 21, 2006
Graduating into Mid-Life
Why am I writing things in a forum that perfect strangers can read anytime of day or night? One reason is to try and work through this mid-life transition I am in. I figure if I can put it in a form that someone who doesn't even know me can understand, then maybe it will make sense to me too. Seems like so much in my life is up for grabs, especially as it pertains to the future. I really liked college life because for 5 years I was pretty set in what I was going to do. CHEM101, PHYS304, MGT433. there was an order and progression to the events of each year. The ebb and flow was even predictable; breaks at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break, summers off. I remember not worrying about too much. Then came graduation. The future and the present were juxtaposed. What to do? Decisions to make? Where to go? Where to live? How to make money? Will I get married? All these questions came down like an avalanche. It's ironic that now at 43, I am asking the same questions (except getting married) about the future. Leaving vocational ministry feels alot like graduation. I knew my job, did it as best as I knew how, enjoyed the ebb and flow. It felt good and secure. It felt good. But then came the change. I knew I needed to "graduate" and move on. The best way to describe it is as a compulsion. I was compelled with new ideas that I could never escape. I would dream about them at night, wake up thinking these thoughts, doodle about it, journal about it. The prophet Jeremiah referred to something like it as "fire shut up in his bones." I can relate to that word picture. So with all that, I blog. I am writing for me, to try and sift through the changes that seem myriad. I need to question everything right now. I'm putting it all to the test. I want to shed the unneeded cargo as I sail into my uncharted waters. Thanks for reading and your encouragement.