Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Searching for Power

One thing that was always hard for me to reconcile during my time as a paid minister was the difference between the church and any other organization. Answers given to me were in the line of, "eternal rewards," or, "doing God's work." On the one hand, I understood this, but on the other I often found it hard to make a distinction. I raised funds for several years, but so has the United Way. I gave motivational messages, and so do the Toastmasters. I helped lead small groups, so has AA. A lot of the fundamental activities of the church look like any other organization. So what sets it apart? When we reach a fundraising goal, was it God that invested on our behalf, or did we just apply good technique? As a preacher, how do I know that the Spirit moved my audience rather than my delivery? Were my small groups effective because God showed up or was it just because Bill W came up with a good program? Bottom line, I yearn to know and see power, real supernatural power that leads one to conclude that there is no other explanation other than that God intervened. A buddy of mine put it this way, that he wants something greater than winning the lottery. Winning the lottery would be cool, but its still a game of chance. I want more than chance. Maybe I'm wrong, but I want the satisfaction of seeing the God of the Universe at work on my behalf This longing has led me to question just about everything and try and find the Source of Power. Even with prayer, I would say I am more confused about how it works, but find myself talking with God more than ever. Maybe because I have more time to do so. In no way have I given up. I actually like the place I find myself. God seems to have gotten bigger, more mysterious, less explanable. I'm more fascinated by simple things. Faith is more important now, because I can't see very well. We walk by faith, not by sight.

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