Sunday, February 11, 2007
Since I get up at 4:30am every morning six days a week, it’s a bit hard to sleep in on the seventh. For me, sleeping in is the equivalent of 5am, instead of the noon of college days. I really am getting old. Soon I’ll be eating dinner at four and breakfast the night before. So I’m awake today at five, but not to worry, since the rest of the family won’t be up for another three hours or so. I thought I would take time to listen to the mix that Jack of All Trades made for me. His instructions were to listen to it in one setting, and so that is what I did. Here is what occurred: I put the disc in my laptop to listen while I did my usual web and blog surfing. As each song unfolded, I realized the theme of each selection was of freedom and hope. I was struck by how far I have come in my journey, and how much I feel I have changed since leaving the Ministry As We Know It. As I listened and surfed, I hit a link that led me to the Passion ’07 website. Having been involved at the start of that movement ten years ago, I was curious to see what had changed. After a quick browse, I concluded the biggest change was me. What drew me to the Passion Movement was its desire to see a spiritual awakening occur among college students of the world. As a watchman, I’m convinced that hope awaits us. I’m just not convinced in what form it will come. I do believe since we are in a post-modern age, that whatever occurs will look extremely different than awakenings of the past that arose in modern and pre-modern times. But as the music in my ears lay juxtaposed against the images on the website, I felt an enormous wave of grief. I felt extremely alone. The photo gallery showing the faces of students, the thousands gathered in worship, I remembered the feeling from ten years ago. I felt so connected then, so alive. I thought I had found the tracks of the coming Great Awakening. But today I find myself going down a different path. I don’t experience God in those large corporate gatherings as I once did. Part of me wishes I still did. Part of me wants those old days again. Part of me wonders what I’ve done wrong, considering the cliché, If God feels far off, guess who moved? must be correct. The other part of me believes I’m where I should be. The Passion Movement was an important time in my life and I believe it will continue to be so for many others. But I’ve got a Warrior and a Man of God with me on the journey, and that’s most important right now and I look forward to what we will find in Uncharted Waters.