Milestones I will remember about 2008

1. Marathon tired. One indelible memory of 2007 is the depleting fatigue I felt during the first few months of opening bread&cup. There is tired, and then there is what I call “marathon tired.” This kind of fatigue comes from prolonged exertion. When this happens, the mind has to kick in and take over, because the body is ready to stop. In runners’ terms, you may have heard this referred to as the Wall. The body hurts so badly, but the brain asserts its authority in order to get the task finished. I hope I never reach that point again in my life.
2. A 16 yr old. My son turned 16 this year, which in our state means the opportunity to drive a car on his own. In the US, a car is equivalent to personal freedom. He is free to move about as he pleases, and his mom and I are free to worry about him driving on the ice and snow. I grieve the loss of my little boy, but I am proud to watch a young man of strength emerge
3. Happy. For the first time in years, I can honestly describe myself as happy and not depressed. Actually looking forward to going to bed again is a relief. I used to not like lying down at night because of all the dark thoughts that seemed to be hanging from the ceiling over me, just waiting to fall and crush me under the weight. Those guys are gone now. Good riddance. Don’t come back.

A while back, Jack of All Trades and I were planning a ski trip to Colorado for our students. As I was checking a website for ski reports, one resort had a few pictures posted of the fabulous conditions due to all the new snow they had just received. Underneath the photo was typed “This is the way the day got started, and it only got better from here.” That set the tone for our trip. But I like to think that it is indicative of my future. When my depression began, I fully believed that my best days were over. I thought I had made my contribution and that my next job was just to get old. Oh, the foolishness of youth. I now see that even though my body is slowing down and will eventually give way, wisdom and joy supersede youthful vigor. As 2008 begins today, I see that bread&cup represents a starting point, not a destination. It serves as a daily reminder that better days lie ahead. After enduring years of waiting, planning and struggle, it eventually became a reality. Better days don’t mean that there won’t be hard times ahead, but patience and endurance will see us through to the other side.