When is it right to flip the bird?

Future Pastor, beware of your perceived need for Law. This will inevitably affect how you approach the Scriptures. As a young man, as I was taught how to read the Bible, I was told to look everyday for a command I wasn’t keeping, or a rule that I was breaking or some other aspect of how I was not measuring up. Since I was new to the game, I felt I should know what the rules were so I could get on God’s good side and not get in trouble. This is basically why we rely on Law. It brings order, provides boundaries, and keeps people safe. Do you feel vindicated when you see some guy speed by you on the interstate at 90 MPH, only to crest the next hill and see him pulled over by the state patrol? If so, you are probably a rule keeper of some kind. I like the fact that the bad guys get punished and the good guys win (usually.) It’s why I feel justified in giving the finger to the guy who runs the red light in front of me. I’m right and he is wrong, and I need to let him know. But Law as we know it is incomplete. It is necessary for society in maintaining peace and order, but gets in the way of faith expressed as Jesus would have it. Rules and authority can easily take the place of love and trust. The reason you signed a legal contract to take out a loan to buy a car is because the bank does not trust you to pay the money back on time. The bank needs a means to protect itself from being taken advantage of. Handshakes won’t cut it. Love does not allow the bank to turn a profit. So is this the reason we have the Bible, because Jesus really doesn’t trust you to walk with him, so He ordained a new set of rules called the New Testament? Is the life of faith to be wrapped up in daily awareness of all the new orders I’m not carrying out? One thing I believe about heaven is that there will be no rules or laws to live by. The old will be passed away, and included in that is the need to be governed out of distrust. Romans 13 tells us to obey authorities, not because it will be an eternal reality, but because it is an earthly construct. Paul does go on to conclude by saying that every law can be summed up by this one; Love your neighbor as yourself. This is a better way to live. Future Pastor, lead others to be guided by love, not law. Granted, it will get you in trouble. You will be taken advantage of, but in doing so you will be aware of how the Kingdom of God is here already.

Here, you can have this back

He is risen! These words will be spoken and celebrated around the world today as the resurrection of Jesus is commemorated on this Easter Sunday. But how can I know it’s real? Who’s to say it’s just not another story passed down from generations ago that we just accept as true? Why Jesus and not Mohammed or Budda? How can I be certain? Of course I’ve heard all the arguments about the primacy of Christ, that he’s either a lunatic, a liar or Lord. I’ve sat through the sermons using stacked boxes that represent other religions, and Jesus’ stack of boxes reaches the ceiling. I could hand you book after book that uses historical evidence, philosophical reason, and logical rationale for why one should believe in the resurrection of Jesus. And you may have also. But doesn’t something still fall a little short? I used to think that seeing it with my own eyes would have made it easier, but even the text itself says that it will be better for those who have NOT seen and yet still believe. How is that the case? If I could have only seen the empty tomb with my own two eyes, it would put all the disbelief aside. Or would it? Science and its facts only go so far in giving us what we think we need to believe. Science limits itself to what it experiences within the senses, and since Jesus is not physically present and doesn’t fit in a test tube, there isn’t the same kind of verification that Science demands, and therefore it seems logical to dismiss the claims surrounding him. Future Pastor, build the Church of the Future on this foundation. Recognize the limits of physical, philosophical and logical evidence for belief. These have their place and I would add that they can provide support, but nothing will substitute the one thing required for belief, and that is faith. To lead this way requires a confidence that the Spirit of Jesus can and will communicate Truth in a way that results in faith. It’s not all up to you. It’s not all on your shoulders. If it is, remove it and give it back. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. Continue to be kind to those who don’t believe like you. If arguments arise, don’t be defensive. Listen more, talk less. You may be getting in the way of what He is doing if you speak too much. Offer kindness and blessing. And in all of this, keep doing so by faith. He is risen, indeed!

Russians don't take a dump without a plan, son.

Years ago, as I was leaving college, I had no clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Like you, I had a few dreams, but nothing definite or mapped out. There was a move on in my circles to try and push us to come up with a 5 year plan, followed by a 10 year plan, both of which were supported by a life verse, a personal mission statement and a detailed personal budget. Needless to say, my leaders were out of touch with where we were as students. We were looking for pizza coupons in the trash, not graph paper to draw impressive looking pie charts and Venn diagrams (unless it would have helped us get dates.) “Aim at nothing and you’ll hit it every time.” This was the club used to beat us into submission. Future Pastor, I’m not advising you not to try and plan your future. I only want you to feel free from the burden of feeling like you have to have everything figured out right now. Planning is always a good idea, but to a certain extent it falls short and needs to be accepted as such. There is no way at age 24 I could have even imagined owning a restaurant of which I started from an idea and very little capital. I have both a college and graduate level degree, neither of which are food related. And I don’t feel like either was a waste of time or money. What I would recommend, however, is that whatever decision you make, be aware if it is proactive or reactive. The reason this is important to determine is that you may just be running from something instead of toward anything. The summer after I graduated college, I had no job, no girlfriend and no money. At about 11:30pm one night I got a call from a guy I knew asking me to move to California to be a youth pastor in their young, growing church. Given the lack of options, this seemed like a good one. At least someone was extending an invitation, which was more than I ever had. After a few days of consideration, I decided to move. As I was talking through the decision with a friend, he asked me if I going to California, or just leaving Oklahoma. I asked what he meant, and he said to just make sure California was where I really wanted to be and not just an excuse to leave my troubles in Oklahoma. This distinction sunk in and I retracted my decision a few days later. Sometimes we need a fresh start, and a drastic move like that is just the ticket, but for me it wouldn't have gotten me any closer to my heart's desire. Keep learning who you are and let that uniqueness define and shape you and what you do. Don’t be so concerned about the details of the future as you are with the details of your identity. Knowing this helped me make the decision to leave the Church As We Know It and start creating my role in the Church of the Future. I think it will serve you well, also.

Could you just shut up?

I’m listening to NPR on the way home from work yesterday and hear an interview with Richard Dawkins, noted atheist and author of The God Delusion. I’ll admit that people who don’t think like me can be very interesting, especially when you have thought out your point of view as thoroughly as he has. I don’t know if it was my 4 Laws training or just human nature, but I found myself reflexively trying to mentally refute or respond to his arguments about why he does not believe in God. With every statement, I would come up with a counterpoint. But then I realized what I was doing. I was not listening to the man’s position. I was only setting myself up to swat the ball back into his court. I was not trying to understand, because I was not taught to do so. It seems imbedded into the evangelical DNA since so many of us seem to be guilty of this kind of response. The radar is always scanning for thoughts to take captive, for fear that if I don’t, I will be guilty of some sort of treason. Future Pastor, this is my point I’ve been trying to make that the Church of the Future will not feel this need to impulsively be defensive. As I was listening to Dawkins, I kept asking myself if I could just listen to him and try to understand where he was coming from. But for some reason, to do this has become equivalent to compromising your faith. Solomon reminded young people like you that speaking before listening is not a good thing. He went so far as to call it foolish, even shameful. I don’t know anyone with whom I’ve argued that changed their position because I refuted it, but I do know plenty of people who have said, “Thanks for listening.”

Don't Stop; Rock the Flock

You need not despair over what you are seeing and reading about the decline of the Church As We Know It. You probably read some of the same blogs I do written by people who are disillusioned with their faith. Seems like every day there is a new “Why I Hate Going to Church” book being printed. Let me offer you some perspective on this. You know the principle of physics, “for every action, there is a reaction.” The Church As We Know It has been in reaction mode for as long as I have been a part of it. You probably aren’t old enough to remember when Christian Rock became a genre. The big defense that supported that style of music was that it sounded kinda like real rock and roll, but it had safer lyrics. Didn’t really matter that Led Zepplin sounded better than Servant. The action of Rock produced the reaction of Christian Rock. Then there was Evidence that Demands a Verdict, which locked us in evangelism on defense mode for 30 years. We had to have an answer for EVERYTHING. “I’m not sure” just wasn’t good enough. The world around us was going to hell in a handbasket and it was up to our generation to stop it. And if we failed it was because we weren’t vocal enough, or well prepared. Fast forward a bit. Even today one of the more hip publications you are reading is called Relevant. Why, may I ask, does the editorial staff feel the need to be so defensive about their content? Who are they trying to convince? Do I feel better about what I am reading with such a title to remind me that, yes indeed, I am relevant? I’m not trying to smack the magazine. I’m just trying to point out how The Church As We Know It does not seem to operate from a secure core. Why else would it be so defensive? Future Pastor, I believe the despair that you are witnessing is good and necessary to usher in the kind of change that will allow the Church of the Future to emerge. The Future Church will not be a reactionary one. It will not feel the need to convince itself that it is right and the world is wrong. It will operate from its beliefs regardless of what the culture around it is doing. In the Future Church you won’t see any need for comparisons of culture. You won’t have to put out statements like “if you like Foo Fighters, you’ll love the guitars sounds of My Hair Points to the Sky…” The cottage industry of refuting popular books like DaVinci Code won’t be necessary. Kids won’t have to wear A Breadcrumb & Fish t-shirts. They just won’t care anymore. I believe we are in exciting times. We are in the process of spiritual awakening unlike anything History has ever seen. Most folks don’t see it this way, but I do, and I hope you can catch a glimpse of it as well. You can’t be looking for a revival like the previous Great Awakenings a hundred years ago. In those movements, the Church As They Knew It flourished, but not so with this one. Our 21st Century Great Awakening will create a new expression, because new wine won’t keep in old wineskins. Make it your goal to live deeply in the faith in which you are convinced. Even if you are not convinced, take all the time you need to work it out. Stop worrying. Lighten up. Don’t be so uptight. SomeOne started something in you and won’t abandon it until it is complete.

My mansion is bigger than your mansion

My guy today on the radio was telling us about the importance of establishing our rewards in heaven. Salvation, he said, cannot be earned, but our good behavior will lead to a bigger heavenly home, more jewels in our crown, more blessings to enjoy. What I never have been able to reconcile with this teaching I have heard all my life is how this actually works. As I also have been taught about heaven, everything will be set right in relationship. There will be no more tears, no more sorrow. We will no longer envy or hold any jealousy toward our brother. There will be no need for a competitive spirit If this is the case, why would it matter if you’ve got more jewels in your crown than me?

Flies in the Ointment

I probably will go to hell for this thought, but I often like to consider how life might be different if the Bible had a few little changes in the story along the way. I am humored at the situations that I create in my mind, which is a good indication that I need a vacation. For example, King David is held pretty high in the eyes of most evangelicals that I have been around. He is, after all, the man after God’s own heart. How much better recommendation can you get? Who wouldn’t want to be known as that guy? Never mind that David committed adultery and murder. He gets a pass because he wrote lots of worship songs that we still refer to today. He killed Goliath and that gets lots of miles in both Vacation Bible School and Big Church. All those years herding sheep makes for good sermon illustrations. But what if David was bisexual? How would the story change? Instead of lusting for and eventually sleeping with the woman of desire, and then killing her husband, what if he had an encounter with another man? Could he still qualify as the man after God’s own heart? If not, why not? We assume a murderer and an adulterer can, but how about one who has a different sexual orientation? Every culture will have its imperfections. If the crusaders were to succeed in taking American back for Christ, what will they do with those who don’t think like they do, once they make it happen? After all, aren’t we all broken in some way? And aren’t we each searching for a way to be made whole? Future Pastor, you do not have to give up a sense of ideal when it comes to how you believe life is intended to be lived. Your faith is deeper than morality and how it is expressed in the culture you find yourself. Don’t allow the recovery of morals to take the place of searching for faith. This is what the Son of Man is interested in finding when he returns.

Wow, I'm glad I didn't step in it.

If you attended a form of the Church As We Know It today, may I ask what the topic of the sermon was about? Or rather, what was the tone of the topic? The further away I move from the Church As We Know It, the more I am struck by how negative are the ideas that get dispensed. As I listened to my porn station on the radio while driving one day last week, it dawned on me that every single message handed out during the short time I listened was negative in nature. Each preacher seemed to feel the need to remind us of how evil our culture is, how anti-family the democrats really are, how to keep teens off drugs and in church, how to not say bad words, how to not be in debt, how to not be influenced by movies and music. One guy bashed himself constantly against his sermon topic, reminding his audience that he struggles with this particular issue over and over again and is just another sinner saved by grace and that’s all any of us ever are and we shouldn’t expect anything more and God help us and be patient with us and forgive us and we are the problem and we are just all bad people, and lets bow for prayer….Whew! Not very inspiring. Future Pastor, if you are going to lead the Church of the Future, you have to change your orientation toward what it means to be a new creation. If we are in Christ, we are a new creature. I take that truth to mean that we really are new, brand new. Therefore, we can act like it. This also means you need to treat people like they are new. Expect them to do good, not evil. Act like they have the capacity now to know right from wrong. Trust them to be inclined toward the Spirit. The more you do this, the more they will believe it. The average leader in the Church As We Know It looks out from his pulpit at his audience and seems to think that these people are all about two minutes away from spiritual oblivion. This explains the tone of the sermon you heard this morning. The pastor doesn’t believe you are a new creation because he doesn’t believe it personally. My dad always used the old term, "He don’t know shit from Shinola." This is true of too many leaders in the Church As We Know It. It sounds harsh, but I really believe it is that simple. Future Pastor, the more you acquaint yourself with all things good and free, you increase the distance between what is good for you and what is detrimental. Then you won't need to spend so much time teaching people what is shit and what is Shinola.

Administering CPR

Future Pastor, I wouldn’t worry too much about your speaking abilities. I think the days of needing to hone your preaching skills are over. The Church of the Future will not need to be led by people who have to come up with something new to say to an audience every week. If you haven’t noticed, there is an overabundance of teaching resources available for consumption on the Internet. Anyone with an mp3 player can listen to their hearts content. Why does it need to come from you? The Church As We Know It is stuck in an old paradigm. Education through teaching and lecture worked better 20 years ago, before the Web took over. We learn through bits and pieces, a little here and a little there. Have you noticed what you do now when you have a question? You do a Google search. Need to know the capital of Romania? The latest on Darfur? The differences in political candidates? Chances are you’ll start with the Internet. If I were you, I would focus more on inspiring people than on educating them. Inspiration is the essential element to life. Breathing is more crucial than learning. Without air moving in and out of your lungs, you are essentially dead. All the best books and sermons in the world won’t help you one bit if you aren't inspired. Don’t choke the life out of those you lead.

I'll meet you there

Dan Allendar said one time that in his years of counseling, he has determined that the only way someone breaks through an addiction is when they finally get bored of it. Addictions serve a purpose, and humans are not as stupid as they are just shortsighted, and as soon as the addict realizes he is not getting where he wants to go, then opportunity for change can be initiated. It appears to me that we are at similar kind of crossroads with the Church As We Know It. From where I stand, many are leaving it behind because, like any addiction, they’ve simply grown tired of it. It is not delivering what it promised. And since addiction is the exchange of control for the promise of reward, many are taking back the control of their spiritual lives that was given to the Church and finding that this new way of living brings more of what they had hoped. This movement is part of the journey toward The Church of the Future. It is a shift that will result in a more effective, but maybe not efficient, expression of community, healing and wholeness. It is this germination process that I am fascinated at watching while out at night on the wall. On the other hand, Our Culture As We Know It needs to keep going in the opposite direction. The further away it gets from the Future Church, the greater distinction there will be between the two. As it is, Culture looks too much like The Church As We Know It. I don’t see a whole lot of difference. Both seem to have little power to make effective change. So Current Pastor, if you are wondering why men are leaving your Church, ask yourself what you are giving them? Is it really worth their time? Be honest with me, and more importantly, yourself. Do you lay in bed at night worried about it? Let’s hope so. You’ve got to give them something that is Powerful, not Cultural. Do you know what I mean by this? Power flows from a source, and if you’ve lost a sense of that in your own life, its high time you do whatever it takes to get that back. This may include leaving your position. It may be sucking Life out of you instead of injecting you with it. If you are bored with what you are offering men, can you imagine what they might be saying when they leave your men’s meeting and go down the street to a sportsbar for a few beers and really talk? Future Pastor can, because he will be there with them.

I thought I ordered a macchiato?

What is the Church of the Future, you ask? I’m not sure if I can even partially or adequately describe it. I confess I am only beginning my search for it, so in this way I am no expert or shouldn’t even be considered a leader. I was always told that you can’t lead people where you have never been, so if this is true I am disqualified to say anything until I have it all figured out. But, Future Pastor, if I can just speak to you as a friend, then maybe we can get somewhere together. I know I am guilty of oversimplifying, but here I go again. The differences between the Church As We Know It and the Church of the Future are pretty obvious and it helps me to narrow things down so I can get a grasp on the real issues. My experience with the Church As We Know It comes from a modern, efficient and practical approach to its function. For example, it meets on Sundays because most people don’t work on Sunday, so in this it is more practical than to try and do the same thing on Monday or Thursday. Its value for efficiency drives it to create multiple services so it can service as many people as possible in the time allotted. Starbucks takes a similar approach by setting up new stores with an easy in and out drive through lane. They also realized that brewing espresso by hand the old fashioned way takes way too much time, so efficiency wins out over quality by adding automated machines that kick out the product in record time. It’s not very good, but we don’t really care because everyone is in a hurry and don’t have the time to realize that we are settling for an inferior cup of coffee. But sugar and heat cover a multitude of gastronomical sins, so it’s all good. Our love of efficiency has led us to create the form of Church As We Know It. Never mind that we go mindlessly week after week never stopping to ask, “Is this what I really wanted?” It works the way it was designed, and we accept it and go on without asking any questions or thinking that it could be any different. Future Pastor, you can’t change Starbucks, but you can decide whether to go there or not. There are other ways to get an outstanding cup of coffee, you may just not be able to get it handed to you through your car window as you hurry along to wherever it is you are going. What will change your behavior is changing what you value. If savoring coffee as it was intended is most important, then you will figure out a way to make that happen, but if getting something sweet and hot in your hand without getting out of your car is what you want, then there are plenty of places to serve you. Do you see my point?

Can You Help Me Change My Tire?

One tension that is causing me much consternation in my faith is that large chasm separating the things I’ve been taught and told are true and that which is reality. Seldom does it seem like I can hop from one side to the next and back again. Instead it seems like I stand on one side looking through binoculars toward the other, wondering what its like on the other side and just how do I get over there. Much of it has to do with how I was taught to tell others about Good News. My upbringing involved a 90-second to 3 minute Summary of the Story that could be offered at any place or time. The rationale given was based on the idea that we should always be ready to give an account for the hope that we have, whether that be in a checkout line or the Holy Grail of encounters: the Airplane. Now when I consider giving a reason for the hope that I have, that 3 minute Summary of the Story makes about as much sense as trying to tell a guy on the side of the road how to change a flat tire by reading him the brief facts from my birth certificate. It doesn’t seem to have any bearing on the matter at hand. The Good News is supposed to be about reconciliation, of bringing people back together, of making wrongs right again. So why is there so much division in the Church As We Know It? Why is the divorce rate no different among folks in it than outside of it? If BibleMan got wind of my objection, I’m sure he would quickly swoop down on my argument and take it captive before it did anymore damage. He would point the finger back and say that it is a You problem and not a Gospel problem, and to that I would say you’re probably right and quietly dismiss myself and go find another person with whom I could buy a pint and really talk about my issue. If the Story is true, why does it seem to lack power? If It is all It claims to be, why is there so little evidence of it? Why is the distinguishing difference between ChurchGuy and AverageGuy not a powerful life, but of what he does between the hours of 9am and noon on Sunday?

Food and Sex

My friend brought up an interesting thought yesterday. We were musing the condition of the Church As We Know It and came to the topic of sexuality. “Why is the bulk of conversation about sex in church given in such negative tones? It makes about as much sense as culinary school offering more courses on gluttony than on making really good food.” “Good point,” I replied. “Run with that.” I lifted my pint to his for an affirming “clink.” While I admittedly haven’t had any kind of culinary training, most of what I have read or observed seems to show that the focus of the education is on being the best chef you can possibly be, not on how to keep people from being foolish with your food. The assumption is that most people can take care of themselves and your job is not to govern their actions, but to put something exquisite on a plate at their table. Future Pastor, your Future Church will make this same assumption. You will trust people to live and act like grown ups in the faith. You can do this because you believe that the Spirit is sufficient to help them know what is right and wrong and how to discern between the two. You won’t have to lay a guilt trip on folks to keep them in line. You will lead them to freedom and turn them loose to enjoy that as it was intended. You won’t need to make stories like “Supersize Me” in order to prove your point. Natural consequences of an action should be enough to tell people they shouldn’t gorge themselves on something that will make them ill. Put your focus on beauty, freedom and joy and see what happens. Won’t it be great when a generation grows up in the Church of the Future that doesn’t have the same baggage about sexuality as we did? And how ironic that it will take the one thing our leaders feared in us to bring about that kind change.

Dear Future Pastor

Future Pastor, please go ahead and leave the Church As We Know It and set out toward what you deeply envision. Unless of course you are one of those who are being convinced that you should stick around and try to bring change from within. You’ve probably been encouraged by someone who tells you “we really need people like you to bring a fresh perspective.” But even if you have good ideas, what are the chances of them really getting implemented? You are probably a likeable person. What they are really saying is that they just don’t want you to leave. You have to do what you think is best, but I’m so glad I have left The Church As We Know It in search of the Future Church. Some have told me I have been missed, and I appreciate the sentiments. But I can’t look back and see any kind of sweeping change that my influence instigated. I got tired of being faithful to what exists. I needed a fresh start. Which could be what you need, too. How long have you been feeling this way? If it’s more than 2 years, I would say you’ve got to leave and embark on the journey to find the Future Church. I’ve known guys who give me the line that they want to stick around to help change the course of the ship, but the real reason they can’t leave is that they are just plain scared. They are afraid of what people might think, afraid that leaving might be burning a bridge of opportunity in the future, but especially they are afraid they think they can’t make that kind of financial risk. If yours is the last excuse, do you really want to be strapped to a way of doing ministry because it’s the only way you can earn a paycheck? Trust me; you don’t want to live with that kind of regret. Future Pastor, I can write to you this way because I know you well. I know what makes you tick, and status quo is not on the list. I would not say these things to just any Joe Schmoe. He wouldn’t get it. Others can stay where they are. The current way of doing church is just fine for them, and I am not being judgmental when I say this. But you are not one of them. For you to stay would make about as much sense as one of them trying to be you. You belong to the Future. You are the Future. Don’t miss out on the joy of what lies ahead for you. And for many others because of you.

Lord, help me be right

I’ve come to believe that it is more important for most human beings to feel right than it is to do good. To me, the overwhelming body of words we have from Jesus centers on loving well. He summed it up for us by telling us to love God with all our heart and love our neighbor as ourselves, You’d think that should do us for a while, but is love really the first thing you think of when someone identifies themselves with Jesus? Part of the package we have been blessed with since entering this world is an inferiority complex. As babies we each had lots of needs that demanded attention and most of us have never grown out of that self centeredness. Good marketers understand this by blatantly exploiting your felt need for everything to be all about you. Google the phrase and find a hair salon and a bra named for it. There’s even a PR agency devoted to being all about you. Brilliant. The flavor of Christianity I was nurtured in seems to have the same bent. Church was built around felt needs, never really designed to go much further past that. Oh sure there was the focus on discipleship and of self discipline, but even still self seemed to be the benefactor and it left me with a feeling of superiority and not one of true sacrifice and service. Having a daily time of reading the Bible and praying made me feel better, but I’m not sure how it made the people around my life feel. You would have to ask them. Which is why I question the role of teaching and preaching in the Church As We Know It, of which I played a bit part. We say it’s to bring about life change, but does it really help me to take Jesus’ words about loving well seriously? I don’t believe the Church of the Future will rely on the central figure of the pastor as Teacher. If you haven’t noticed, we are not in want for teaching resources today. The Internet makes everyone and their dog’s sermon available. Why do I need to spend so much energy getting all my people in my building to hear me speak? Unless of course it really is all about me?

I am of

I am reading a book by Mary Pipher called Writing to Change the World. In it she offers this exercise to help learn and understand your own voice. This is my first try. ====================== I am of Jack and June of route 2 box 162, of proud parents who believed in everything I set out to accomplish. I am of Oklahoma and its friendliness and its pride in its own and its simplicity and patriotism I am of small town and everyone knowing everyone and their business, of the cult of football and the longing to feel a part of it and the desire to reject it for what it was. I am of bad eyesight early on, of thick glasses and feeling different and awkward, and of gratitude for contact lenses that brought opportunity and not limitation I am of Church, the kind that taught the importance of a savior and a relationship therewith, that getting wet in a tank behind the stage was one of the most lauded and important decisions in the world. I am of social Church, where all my friends existed and thought like me and held common values and reinforced certain practices and ways of thinking that I would later come to reject. I am of identity Church, which shaped my lifestyle, from the kind of music I made and listened to and the books I read, to the job that I held for 18 years. I am of authority Church, where everything a preacher said was right, and everything you thought was wrong, which led to a blind acceptance that I was pretty much a loser that needed to work harder at not being such a bad person. I am of Busyness and not Idleness, where Saturdays growing up consisted of one hour of cartoons at 7am followed by a day full of work around the farm, of now preferring to plant a garden than watch TV, of feeling a need to clean or bring order instead of feeling like I’m doing nothing. I am of Self-Sufficiency, of relying on yourself out in the country, of not waiting on someone else to come along and help, but of getting it done by yourself with whatever you have on hand, and of not wanting the government to tell me to support and pay for someone who is just simply lazy. I am of all of these and more, much more than I will ever know or remember. I am of this blog, and of risking writing it, wondering if it will even be worth the effort, or if anyone would ever read it, but eventually of the comments from unknown sources saying thanks.

They said it can't be done

Upon further reflection about the subscription piece this week, I thought about how suspicious people seem when you say you are doing well. “Yeah, but how are you REALLY doing?” “Great. Never better. Really.” It should be odd that the basic assumption of this publication is that you are not doing well, but it isn’t. It shows us what brand of faith we have created over the years, one that says the norm is subpar and that you and I are always on the brink of spiritual oblivion. So much so that it becomes lucrative to publish a magazine to address the condition. It’s sorta like thinking that no man could ever run a four minute mile. You live with that resignation your whole life, until one day, you finally see a man like Roger Bannister run one. For years men tried to break it and couldn’t, and yet six short weeks after Bannister made history, his record was broken by an Australian named John Landy. And since then it has become the standard achievement in short distance running. Order the magazine and you reinforce the editor’s belief that the four minute mile is impossible. Or you can trust the Spirit and believe you are brand new Creation, capable of doing greater things than even Jesus did. (I’m not making that up; Jesus himself said that, at least it’s in red letters in my version.) Future Pastor, realize you are quite capable of living the life you long for. Consider this: the one thing that could be holding you back is perception and not reality. If you have been told all your life by The Church As We Know It that limping along is the best you can hope for, I say you’ve been handed a bag of hooey. It might make plants grow, but not hearts of faith.

$23.97 worth of more guilt

It was on the bottom of the stack of the usual credit card applications and various appeals for money I get on a daily basis. It was a classic piece of junk mail, and typifies the type of faith I used to pursue and the kind I want to leave behind. In bold red letters on the front of the envelope was printed, “WHERE’S THE FIRE?” Listed in bullet points along a left margin underneath were statements like, “You want more depth,” “You read the Bible because you should, not because you want to.” And “You wonder where the joy went?” "Sound familiar?" They couldn’t have summed it up any better. This was an invitation to purchase a subscription to a religious publication. I have to hand it to their marketing team, they know their audience is full of guilt and shame for not being a better disciple. There was a time when this kind of thinking made sense to me, and I probably would have shucked out the $23.97 to get a year’s worth of beatings in the form of a nice, glossy paged magazine. It strikes me odd that the Church As We Know It has created a such a culture of competitiveness. How did we get to this point? I remember the feeling too well. The playing field was spiritual disciplines and the score was kept by how well you did in a particular aspect of the game, depending on the values of the culture you were a part of. Mine happened to be Bible reading, verse memory and how many people with whom you got to share a Summary of the Story. If you did well in these areas, you got asked to do things a lot. And I played the game with the best of them. I worked the system. I fit the profile. I worked about as hard as any young man could. And like it said on the envelope, I wanted depth, read and memorized out of duty and obligation, and hated every minute of it. I wonder how many new subscriptions they will sell based on that piece of mass mailing. Probably quite a few, until people realize the competitive nature of the faith culture they have bought into. Future Pastor, there is a better way, and you know it. Find your joy and lead others there.

Milestones I will remember about 2008

1. Marathon tired. One indelible memory of 2007 is the depleting fatigue I felt during the first few months of opening bread&cup. There is tired, and then there is what I call “marathon tired.” This kind of fatigue comes from prolonged exertion. When this happens, the mind has to kick in and take over, because the body is ready to stop. In runners’ terms, you may have heard this referred to as the Wall. The body hurts so badly, but the brain asserts its authority in order to get the task finished. I hope I never reach that point again in my life.
2. A 16 yr old. My son turned 16 this year, which in our state means the opportunity to drive a car on his own. In the US, a car is equivalent to personal freedom. He is free to move about as he pleases, and his mom and I are free to worry about him driving on the ice and snow. I grieve the loss of my little boy, but I am proud to watch a young man of strength emerge
3. Happy. For the first time in years, I can honestly describe myself as happy and not depressed. Actually looking forward to going to bed again is a relief. I used to not like lying down at night because of all the dark thoughts that seemed to be hanging from the ceiling over me, just waiting to fall and crush me under the weight. Those guys are gone now. Good riddance. Don’t come back.

A while back, Jack of All Trades and I were planning a ski trip to Colorado for our students. As I was checking a website for ski reports, one resort had a few pictures posted of the fabulous conditions due to all the new snow they had just received. Underneath the photo was typed “This is the way the day got started, and it only got better from here.” That set the tone for our trip. But I like to think that it is indicative of my future. When my depression began, I fully believed that my best days were over. I thought I had made my contribution and that my next job was just to get old. Oh, the foolishness of youth. I now see that even though my body is slowing down and will eventually give way, wisdom and joy supersede youthful vigor. As 2008 begins today, I see that bread&cup represents a starting point, not a destination. It serves as a daily reminder that better days lie ahead. After enduring years of waiting, planning and struggle, it eventually became a reality. Better days don’t mean that there won’t be hard times ahead, but patience and endurance will see us through to the other side.

2008 Resolution #3

#3 Drink more I’m growing to love the gift of wine and all of its complexities, its history, the process of development, its beauty in the glass and the joy it brings to a gathering of good friends. I plan to take pleasure in more of it in 2008. Now why would I recommend this? The spirit of this resolution is to face what we fear. I was raised on a spirituality of fear, especially when it came to any kind of pleasure. The party line was summed up in statements like, ‘If I never take that first drink, I’ll never become an alcoholic!” The line of reasoning made sense, to a point, until I realize that the foundation of the logic was built on fear. Why go through life being afraid? It’s such a terrible way to live. Moderation is much more preferable than fear. The former tempers its actions on understanding; the latter does so out of ignorance. I’d rather protect myself through self-control than being afraid. I resolve to deepen the pleasures of my faith by rejecting fear and embracing love. Fear assumes I won’t do the best thing when faced with the choice. Love believes otherwise.