tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25535068.post4526660878453594663..comments2023-10-07T01:07:32.493-07:00Comments on A Watchman's View from the Wall: Yes, I doWatchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16074753807595569032noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25535068.post-13820463674725547972009-04-27T04:52:00.000-07:002009-04-27T04:52:00.000-07:00Funny ... I'm having a vocational mid-life crisis,...Funny ... I'm having a vocational mid-life crisis, too, not quite the same situation but some parallels. I left my secular job about 20 months ago, after having worked there for 19 years -- pretty much my entire adult life. I was unhappy there for years, partly because although it's a public sector organization that's supposed to do good, fight poverty and empower people and all that, I had come to believe that on balance we were doing more harm than good. I wanted to leave but did not have a next goal and felt very insecure about stepping into that black fog. Then I felt guilty about my lack of faith, like Anonymous, it seemed messed up that I was staying just for security.<br /><br />Finally God did something funny ... just as a major reorganization was on the horizon, and the prospect of a contract buy-out offer, that movie <I>Into Great Silence</I> about the Carthusian monks came out. I had long felt attracted to the monastic life but never found the place or community that felt like "home" to me. The movie stirred up those old feelings and I started looking again, found a convent and fell in love at first sight. I knew it was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life!<br /><br />I visited, loved it, took the contract buy-out, paid off debts, put my house on the market, and then ....<br /><br />The house didn't sell. I started to have doubts about going from security to security, from the paternalistic job to the maternalistic convent, if you will -- was this really the leap of faith I felt I was lacking in my character? I started to have doubts about some aspects of the nuns' lifestyle -- would I be happy never gardening in shorts and a tank top, feeling the sun on my skin? always celebrating the liturgy with Gregorian chant, and never the old hymns I love so much? Would it just be way too much community, too much togetherness, not enough silence and solitude? Living with 40 women?!<br /><br />Now I believe that God put the attraction of the convent before me to give me the courage to leave my job. Once I had taken that step, I mysteriously found the faith I had been missing, the willingness not to jump straight into something else, to let the process unfold, to learn to listen to God in my heart and trust.<br /><br />Anyway ... work in process. I still don't know where I'll end up, but I'm very grateful for the opportunity to get to know myself and Him better, in peace and quiet.<br /><br />Just found this blog, by the way ... I'll be following it!Regina Terraehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18387253477469996636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25535068.post-31959661093729631532009-04-26T22:05:00.000-07:002009-04-26T22:05:00.000-07:00Hey Watchman,
Thanks for the response. I am bo...Hey Watchman,<br /><br /> Thanks for the response. I am bored, for sure. I sit in an office most of the week doing admin tasks or sit in meetings where I get assigned more tasks. I am an associate pastor and so I have some say in the way things should go, but only to a point and then I feel like I have to tow the line. <br /><br />Disillusioned? Hmmm. Probably with the church as we know it, but not with God.<br /><br />Finances- I am far from broke and we just received a raise recently, but I am concerned that this is my main motivation for even wanting to stay. Seems messed up to me.<br /><br />Knowing where I want to go- Up until recently I feel like God has been asking me to step into a black fog and trust him. I feel like I may be getting a little more clarity and now it seems more like a gray haze instead.<br /><br />Be aware what others think- I really appreciated this point. My main hope is that when I leave that I leave well and don't damage the church in any way. <br /><br />Thanks for taking the time to respond to my question. Your thoughts are very helpful to me and my family as we pray about what is next. <br /><br />Cheers!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com